As I sit down to write this blog, I feel a deep sense of nostalgia and reflection. It has been 16 years since I walked down the aisle and said “I do” to the person I love, and this journey has been filled with highs, lows, and everything in between. Throughout these years of marriage, I have learned much about myself, my partner, and the institution of marriage itself.
We are constantly bombarded with messages about what makes a successful marriage. From magazine articles to self-help books, everyone seems to have an opinion. While some of these tips may be useful, I’ve realized there is no secret recipe for a successful marriage. Every couple is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. That said, I’d like to share my perspective on what has worked in my own marriage.
GENUINE COMPATIBILITY
So, what does compatibility mean in the context of marriage? To me, it means being in harmony with your partner—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s about finding someone who complements you in various aspects of life, such as values, beliefs, communication styles, and emotional support. Understanding your partner’s hopes, fears, dreams, and motivations is crucial for building a strong foundation for your marriage. While no relationship is perfect, a compatible couple knows how to bridge gaps and make their marriage work.
Life is all about balance, much like the art of fine cuisine, which relies on a harmonious blend of flavors, or the way beautiful music resonates in perfect harmony. A fulfilling marriage is no different. It requires a balance between two individuals who are willing to work together, support each other, and grow together. This journey isn’t always easy; marriages face challenges, but when two people are genuinely compatible, they can conquer any hurdle.
I often compare marriage to a battlefield. Each day presents new challenges, from conflicts and disagreements to financial struggles. Compatibility acts as armor, helping couples face these challenges as a united team. In contrast, a marriage lacking compatibility can feel like a minefield, where one wrong move can lead to disaster. While incompatible couples may make their marriage work, it often requires much more effort, leading to resentment and unhappiness.
I’ve seen many couples who seem perfect on the outside—beautiful, wealthy, and popular—but are miserable in their marriages. They may possess all the external signs of success, but without compatibility, their marriage will ultimately suffer. This is why I believe superficial attributes should not drive partner choice. Getting to know someone takes time, which is why romantic relationships shouldn’t be rushed. Building a strong friendship first serves as the best foundation for marriage; it’s like training before the actual battle. A solid friendship fosters trust and understanding, which can endure life’s challenges.
UNWAVERING COMMITMENT
True commitment is tested over time, especially as couples grow older and physical appearances change. In the beginning, the thrill and butterflies of seeing your partner can be exhilarating, but as life gets busier with work and responsibilities, that spark can fade. It takes real dedication to stay loyal and keep the love alive, even when things aren’t as romantic. The temptation to look for someone “better” can arise, but true commitment means resisting those urges and focusing on the partner you chose.
Life brings challenges that can strain a marriage, such as financial issues or health problems. During tough times, it’s crucial for couples to support each other. This is when true commitment shines through, reminding partners that they are in this together. Remembering the promises made in the church to stand by one another in good times and bad helps couples get through life’s difficulties. When faced with temptation, it’s essential to cherish the love and memories shared, which is far more valuable than fleeting attraction to someone new.
As life settles into routine, finding joy in everyday moments becomes important. Couples can combat feelings of boredom by sharing experiences, communicating openly, and appreciating each other. True commitment means choosing to love one another, even when the idea of someone else seems tempting. It’s about building a deeper connection and recognizing that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
Reflecting on my own marriage, I see how my husband and I have built our life together. Over the years, we have grown together, continually finding ways to strengthen our marriage. Maintaining a marriage is very hard, and I understand why some might give up along the way. I can relate to their struggles. While I can’t predict the future, I pray for our marriage to last a lifetime. I also pray that all marriages stay strong because healthy relationships benefit not only the couple, but also their children, and the entire family.
My advice to the younger generation is simple: don’t rush to get married. Marry for the right reasons and take the time to truly know the person you are with because marriage can make or break you. Ensure you choose the right partner, prioritizing compatibility over superficial traits. Be authentic, discerning, and never settle for less than genuine happiness. It’s easy to get caught up in looks, status, or wealth, but these things fade over time. What truly matters is finding someone who understands you and is committed to you in every way.
After 16 years of marriage, I can confidently say that genuine compatibility and 100% commitment are pillars of a strong marriage. It may not be easy to find, but when two people are genuinely compatible and committed, they can overcome any obstacle and build a lasting bond. So take the time to get to know your partner, understand their true selves, and never compromise on compatibility and commitment.
